Did You Fall From Heaven?
by SailorSilvanesti
Summary: Humanity is confusing, and so is their strange mating ritual... Castiel confesses, after accidentally 'hitting on' Dean  although he swears he did not strike him , so the Winchester's give him a lesson in Chatting Up the ladies... To hilarious results. AU


**Disclaimer: I do not, never have and sadly never will own the characters or anything in regards to SUPERNATURAL...**

**I promised that I would write a SUPERNATURAL Fic, and here it is, my very first one... It started as a random idea, and grew into... this... ENJOY, if possible...**

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><p><strong>Did You Fall From Heaven?<strong>

**~)0(~**

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><p>He was cold, wet and ravenously -like<em> eat a horse<em>-style - hungry; which you could kind of expect after just such a 'fun' hunt as they'd just been on…

Damn Wendigoes and their freakin' forest fetish…

Not to mention his apparent lack of sleep, given that his damn eyelids had been kept trying to glue themselves shut the whole –insanely long- drive back to the cheap-ass roadside motel room they were sharing. What was the point of having a freaking angel on your side if he couldn't just 'POOF' (or as Sam had decided to call it, 'disapperate', the _big nerd_) you back to home-base, so you could spend the next 48 hours or so comatose, flat on your face in relative comfort…

Perhaps after a nice long hot shower, and a greasy delicious dose of cholesterol in the form of a cheeseburger…( or maybe a taco?) he'd feel a little better. Damn, why did he suddenly have a massive craving for whipped cream and garlic bread…? Pffft, probably one of those random cravings he'd been getting in the last little while… with the Apocalypse come and gone, who gave a damn if there were carbs in what you were biting into? Besides, he could always just end up asking Cas to magic him skinny again if he had to…

Speaking of angels…

This one certainly had his full attention, given that his eyelids were all but glued open in a wide, disbelieving stare… Sam choked a little before forcing out, "Uh, Cas... are you-… _did you just_… hit on my brother?" he asked with an air of incredulity, and an expression that Dean just _had_ to snap a pic of on his phone for later… The angel frowned deeply, puzzled. "I apologise, I did not mean to. Although I have no memory of striking Dean at any point…" There was a pause. "I was merely responding to his statement that he '_looked like crap'_, which is an inaccurate. When in actuality, he is an almost perfect specimen of the human male…"

Dean preened for a moment, then started to sputter as he caught on, "_Almost Perfect? _Whaddya mean, _almost?_" he threw the angel a glare so sharp it could have impaled him, as Castiel answered truthfully, "You could be taller…"

Sam only _just_ held Dean back from strangling the angel, laughing openly and simultaneously quipping, "It's not the size that counts, Cas, it's how you use it…" Which earned the younger Winchester a slug in the arm.

Again puzzled, Castiel replied, "But… I do not wish to use Dean, I think he is perfectly capable of handling himself." At which point all further coherent, logical contributions from Sam went out the window, as the taller Winchester hit the floor laughing; tears pooling in the corners of his eyes. Dean aimed a half-hearted kick at the giggling mass of little brother at his feet, and dead-panned at the stunned messenger of Heaven, "Cas, if you swear never to say that again in that tone of voice… I promise not to shoot you."

The angel nodded compliantly.

Dean clapped his hands together, "Alright, so it appears you're never going to get laid –like _EVER_- if you use weird half-statements like that for pick-up lines… Girls tend to prefer something a little more…romantic than being told their body conforms to average for a human female. So, let's see what we've got to work with… give me your best line…and remember,_ romantic is the key_… but don't forget to let them know you're interested in taking it to the next level. Oh, and don't mention their bodies or averages, or anything…"

Castiel placed a thoughtful hand under his chin, thinking hard. "Cupids are romantic figures to humans, given their association with love…perhaps I should say, '_Let us make like cupids, please remove your clothes and hug me?_' Is that what you meant, Dean? Uh, Dean…?"

The elder Winchester was carefully picking his jaw up from off the floor, while another wheezing round of giggles erupted from Sam; Castiel sensed his statement had been in error. Dean clarified, "Nice… but a bit too strong for a girl… let's add that to the _List of Things Cas is no longer allowed to Say…EVER._"

The angel looked rather put-out, "Then how exactly is it that one approaches a male? Surely such things are easier…? This wooing of females seems much more complex that that strange video with the pizza man who was not angry with the woman, and yet struck her on the rear repeatedly…"

Dean snorted, "For the last time, Cas, that was _Porn_, it's not meant to make sense…and sure, most barskanks'll just swan over and proposition you there and then, but it's the shy, classy ladies out on the town for the evening that are the girls to look out for. Most of them approach and introduce themselves, make some innocent or vaguely lewd comment about how they saw you all alone and just _had_ to come over…" Dean shrugged, "Doesn't really matter, as long as she has a nice face and a great set of jugs…"

Sam was looking mildly offended at Dean sexist sensibilities at that point –_although conceding he wasn't listening with his upstairs brain_-, mouth open to say something…when Castiel broke in confusedly, "…and what if this person does not have the large beverage pitchers and instead a nice personality?"

Naturally, that killed Sam –_who was being surprisingly useless tonight, given that he was usually_ Doctor Touchy-Feely, _Group Hug Therapist_- as he was now face-down in the retina-burningly bright fluro purple shag carpeting, muffling his laughter.

Which escalated to a full-on wheeze fest when he realised Dean had apparently taken Cas seriously, and was giving it deep thought –as characterised by the sweat beads accumulating on the older Winchester's forehead… Sam said as much… and received a fluffy object of doom to the face. There was a small, "_I used to be a Hunter… then I took a pillow to the face…_" and Sam fell silent, probably sulking. Dean grinned, then turned back to Cas.

"Well, I suppose if she wasn't a candidate for involuntary bagging…you know, that one ugly chick you nail, but you can only do it if she's wearing a paper bag … like Sam, last night…" He received a particularly nasty kick to the shins, causing much yelping, hopping and loud profanity; there was a rustle of wings, and Cas was gone. Dean kicked Sam back as his brother got off the floor, "Great Going, Psychic-boy, you scared off our angel… WHOA, _shit_, Cas! Warn a guy before you 'POOF' in like that!"

They _really_ had to explain the whole concept of 'personal space' to the guy at some point. The angel, on the other hand, appeared to be concealing something behind his back, with what could only be classed as angelic shit-eating grin on his face…

His 'mischievous smile', as Dean classed it, was pretty much downright creepy on Cas… but before Dean could say so… Cas was gone again… His reappearance heralded by the muffled curses coming from Sammie.

Dan took a double-take… make that_ Sammie wearing a brown paper bag_… "Like this?" Castiel asked with a guileless expression; apparently innocent, whereas Sam was using words Dan was damn certain the kid didn't know this morning and was just now creating to voice his frustration… "Cas, what the hell?" he shouted, pulling the bag off.

"I see you did not enjoy that activity as much as you apparently did last night, perhaps it is because I am not Dean… Here," the unperturbed angel handed the bag to Dean, "he may enjoy it more if you are involved."

The fact he didn't just drop dead right there and then –_regardless of the fact Cas could just resurrect his ass anyway_- was an achievement in itself. "Uh, Cas…remember that little talk we had about '_Not taking everything literally_'? This is one of those times… besides, I think there's enough creepy Fanfiction out there about us thanks to Chuck's damn books… _freakin' Wincest_ fangirls…never get that mental image out of my mind. I'll never understand it…" he shuddered.

Castiel seemed to be considering something... but forewent it in lieu of an apology. "I apologise, you humans have a very strange way of speaking, it is sometimes hard to understand the nuances of your language. Angels have no such thing as Sarcasm, Jokes, or fantasies, our words are literal and there is no mistake in the orders we are given. When you two _Play with the Words_, I admit to finding confusion in your intentions…"

Dean clapped him on the shoulder, "Ahhh, don't worry about it, wing-boy. You'll get used to our crap eventually… until then, anything Sam and I say… _not_ as sexual or literal as it sounds… but he is TOTALLY the girl." Sam let out a strangled cry of dissent, "Why don't you come down here and say that?" simultaneously tackling Dean's knees.

"Oof! SAM, _the Hell_?" he yelled, pinned to the floor. Face-down in the carpet, Dean couldn't really think of anything useful to say, but apparently Sam could; crying triumphantly, "Who's the girl NOW, Dean?"

"Actually, neither of you possess the female characteristics necessary to be a female. Dean, Sam is most definitely a fully-functioning male… likewise, Sam, Dean is a-…oh, …is this one of those '_non-literal pseudo-sexual banterings_' you two persist in doing? Or must I explain the mechanics of male and female reproduction, as you appear to be confused on how it works…" Castiel dead-panned, to which both Winchesters blanched; each wondering if their angel could _POSSIBLY_ be serious…

And then the impossible occurred… Castiel laughed.

Dean scrambled for his feet, hauling Sammie upright by the collar and smirking, "Alright Cas, you got us… scared the crap out of me too, thought you were serious for a second! Now, where were we before I got side-tracked? Jugs… Bag… Personality, oh yeah, so basically if she's not too ugly it's all good. But the shy, classy chicks have a slightly different approach than any other barskank –take note because, while I'm not sure and never want to be told if it's possible for an angel to get one, knowing the difference between the two types of girls can protect you from catching something nasty… STDs are never fun, man. Just ask Sammie over there… this one time, some evil voodoo poker-guy gave him the Clap!" Dean burst out laughing.

Sam found himself under scrutiny, "Interesting, I had not realised you were attracted solely to men, Sam. I believed the only reason you were together with that red-headed boy in college was due to intoxication and curiosity… _Mmmph_?" Even as his hand clamped over the angel's mouth, Sam could tell it was already too late, given the look on Dean's face… "Dude, no way… I mean, I'm cool if you are, but… did I have to find out from Angel-Motor-Mouth over there? You could have said something… Geez, just don't throw up any rainbows in the Impala…got it?"

"I-…but-… it was College!" Sam gasped out, trying to refute it, and keep a hold on the suddenly gone angel; who reappeared across the room and stated, "There is nothing mechanical about my mouth…" Which drew blank looks, until Dean cottoned on, "Oh no, Cas, Motor-Mouth is just a saying for someone who kind of talks without thinking…"

"Ah, that makes…some sense, again you humans confuse me greatly. So, unless the female approaching me –_that I have not approached because I am lacking the ability to use the_ Lines of Pick Up- has large beverage containers, or an attractive face and body type, I am not to consider her personality at all?" he summarised, staring at Dean like he was just on the verge of boring a hole through the older Winchester's head… or x-raying his mind, which was an uncomfortable thought in itself.

Raising one hand as if to object, Dean faltered, "Uh… well, not EXACTLY… I mean, she may not be the hottest thing on the planet but, dude, sometimes you have to live with what you've got, and anyway, she might have a great personality!" Okay, that felt so wrong coming out of his mouth, if the sideways glare Sam was giving him was any indication… well, he was kind of known for doing the horizontal tango (and various other positional euphemisms) with anything that had two pairs of legs… Not that Sam was aware of the other side of things.

Which was for the best cause, really, that kid had been scarred enough in his life without having that kind of imagery in his head…

"It's all in how they ask it, and it _will _ be them asking you, because frankly, you suck at the whole seducing thing… then again, I think I'd be freaked out if you'd been great at it to start with, because that would be weird. Aren't you angels celibate or something? Whatever." He waved a dismissive hand to indicate Cas didn't have to answer his last query, "As I was saying, you suck, so it'll be the ladies asking you. Sometimes the girls are a little on the plainer side, but points are definitely given in the way they ask… because it's always the quiet ones that are animals in-… Sam, if you turn any greener I will plant you in the garden."

The angel considered his words, "Then, I should respond to how those with the best approach… I see, and is this how all human mating rituals start? Or just with those who hang around sordid backwater bars and roadhouses?" If anyone but Cas had said it, it would have been an insult, and a trip to the emergency room would have been prevalent; but it was Cas, and he was honestly making a statement. Which just made it hair-pullingly infuriating that he was many thousands of years older than the two of them…and yet such an infant in the ways of humanity…

Dean held up both hands, "Alright, how about I give you an example, Sam…you be the girl. Cas, you watch closely…" Sam was honest-to-god giving Dean a look that should have sliced him into tiny pieces by now, but it didn't, so he smirked in that smug, self-satisfied way that he usually did when he forced his little baby brother to do something he didn't want to. Call it… Eldest Sibling's privilege, and yes, this was totally him getting back at Sam for all the times that kid had stolen the prize in the cereal box… because he'd really wanted that Batmobile when he was nine, but _certain people_ had thrown a tantrum…and Dad had handed it over to keep the peace. So poor little Sammie was going to suffer the injustice of being the girl in this demonstration.

"_If it kills me, I will get even with you for this…_" Sam hissed, but moved closer to where Dean had adopted his 'Bar-stance', leaning against the island counter that divided the bedroom from the tiny kitchenette. "Heh, just you try, Sammie, just you try… now make like a skank and hit on me, the angel is watching." Dean threw back, at the same time realising that he might actually need Castiel to resurrect him shortly…

He watched with barely contained amusement as Sam walked stiffly across the room to him, hips wiggling slightly but mechanically, and a strained expression on his face, "Hey …you. I, uh, saw you sitting here…alone…and, uh…" he paused, raising a hand and jerkily flicking his short black hair flirtily, "…wanted to know if you wanted some, _like_, …company, tonight?" The look on Sam's face as he said that: PRICELESS. Dean did his signature wink and said, "Your place or mine, darling?" A hand to Sam's waist, that he could feel his brother mentally removing by breaking each one of his fingers separately… and withdrew his hand before his brother could put theory into practice.

If Sam hadn't wanted to kill him before… the eyes that were glaring back at him were those of a homicidal maniac! He glanced over to the angel, who was sitting at the tacky yellow table provided and appeared to be writing in a notepad –_that he got from God-knows-where_ (actually, God probably did know where, but he wasn't saying anything, so Dean dismissed the thought), glancing up at them expectantly. "And this is how you deal with an undesirable Lady of the Bar?" he queried, politely in that monotone of his. Snorting, Dean waved a hand, "Nah, normally I tell them that I'd prefer not to play _Pokemon Master_ and '_catch 'em all_' if you get me, but who can say no to such a charming woman of the evening as Sammie here…"

His not-so-little brother made a strangled noise, but gritted his jaw, refusing to give in to temptation and throttle him. Speaking of humiliation and retaliation, Dean clapped his hands together, "And now, Sammie will demonstrate the correct way a classy lady will approach you… watch out for these ones…"

A look of horror passed over Sam's face, but he still stalked back across the room, just glaring for a minute as Dean retook his stance, casually leaning with a _come hither_ expression; Castiel raised the notepad, watching avidly, as Sam took a different approach this time. The walk was slightly less pronounced, none of that awkward stumbling strut he'd done last time… Dean was actively concerned with how good Sammie was at this… his voice high and strangely sultry as he giggled –_yes, god help him, Sam had just giggled at him_! "Hi, I saw you across the bar and you looked as lonely as I feel… wanna buy me a drink, …_handsome_?"

If Dean had had a mouthful of drink, he would have just done the mother of all spit-takes… however, he settled for a moment's disbelieving gaping at his younger brother; whose calm demeanour belied the eyes that sparkled with mischief, Sam was totally enjoying his discomfort. Dean cleared his voice and reacted as he normally would, "Well, sweetheart, what's your poison? Or better yet, let's forget the drink and just get out of here…" he stood up, which Sam obviously hadn't expected, from the way he jerked back.

"Hang on, I'm not that kind of girl," he protested, to which Dean laughed, "Sure you are, see how easy it is to get you into bed?" The puzzled expression hadn't even time to flitter across Sam's face before Dean lunged low and tackled the taller Winchester into the magenta-sheeted bed behind him; which they bounced on, wrestled for a moment, and then Sam got the upper-hand somehow… tossing Dean onto the shag carpeting.

"No means _NO_, Dean!" he quipped and stalked off to stand behind the angel, who was looking on wide-eyed. "And this is how you woo females who approach you first? It seems unnecessarily violent…" Cas observed, chewing on the end of his pen in a very human manner… Dean doubted he even realised he was doing it… "Uh, that's not exactly how it's supposed to go, but Sam here was just one of those _fine-ass ladies_ who needed some persuasion… Okay, your turn, angel-boy. WOO ME!" He spread his arms wide, cockily stepping backwards to end up in his original leaning position against the island.

Castiel threw a concerned glance at the bed Sam was now sprawled upon, obviously contemplating if he could get out of the way fast enough should Dean tackle him too… "Oh, come on, Cas! I swear I won't tackle you, alright?" Cas shot him a wary, yet dangerous look, "Be aware I can drop you in an active volcano before you can blink, so please refrain from breaking your promise…"

"Alright, I swear, totally dude… now, come at me…"Dean made a small gesture with his free hand, the other draped over the bench top, casually as if at a real Bar. Looking uncertain, faltering and then seemingly gaining confidence –_if angels actually felt that emotion_-, Cas strode over… Dean quashed a smirk in anticipation of what the angel would say, because he had to give the guy a chance before he laughed in his face…

But Cas didn't stop until he was waaaaaaay into Dean's personal space –_mental note: speak to him about 'boundaries' again_- and leaning in further; the older Winchester was beginning to feel perturbed as the angel's warm breath washed over his ear, this was NOT what they had shown him… Well, as long as this didn't go the way of the Pizza Man and the Babysitter, he would let it continue…

A deep, sultry voice whispering in his ear was the least of what he had expected, and half-scared the hell out of him as Castiel breathed, "_Hi, I'm Castiel… and I'm an angel of the Lord, God; I saw you alone across the bar and realised you had a cute ass… Tell me, would you like me to put a little bit of the Lord in you…?_"

Sam's expression seemed to say, 'Oh My god…' in repetition without end, Dean's mind whizzed through all the conversations leading up to this and trying to pinpoint when exactly he'd said anything like that… coming up blank. The angel had drawn back and was watching him expectantly, "Well? How did I do, Dean…?"

A low, involuntary growl from some primal place escaped his lips, heart thrumming unusually, "Sammie? I think you should go wait in the car…" he managed to choke out, as the angel before him looked less surprised and more…bemused… and Sam ran out the door as fast as he could…

"Dean, did I do something wrong?" Castiel asked in confusion, fearing an error in his approach; Dean let out a low chuckle, "Yeah, you seemed to be under the impression I'm going to let you walk out of here after saying, -no _whispering-_, something like _that _in my ear... _without_ a limp. Not going to happen, Cas…"

As a last coherent thought, he mercifully shut the magenta curtains to spare Sam the graphic details… and then he sought about making good on his promise…

~)0(~

Outside, in the mildly freezing interior of the Impala, Sam shivered as he ran the conversation over and over in his mind until both blue eyes flew wide open in surprise and recognition, "He didn't…" he whispered to the empty space.

"Oh, but he did…" it answered, causing the Hunter in him to leap for the gun under his seat… that was no longer there… "Looking for this? Silly little weapon you humans use to make yourselves feel better, wouldn't kill an angel, that's for sure…but piss us off? Definitely. In answer to your question, yes… my little baby bro -_that your big bro is currently ramming into the_-…"

But Sam had shoved his fingers into his ears and was loudly singing '_Mary Had a Little Lamb'_ at the top of his voice to drown out, which apparently didn't work when the angel in your backseat decided to talk directly into your mind…with the accompanying visuals…

"Oh God, Gabriel, _**WHY**_?" he screamed, whirling about in the seat and glaring at the angel, who was smirking. "Because I can and it's fun, and your expression is just priceless… and it's given me an idea for the making of '_Casa Erotica 26'_…" he shook his head to dislodge whatever depraved thoughts he was having. "But yes, after the Pizza Man and Babysitter 'video' little Castiel watched, he then went through Dean's entire Porn stash… including that one with the Priest and the stripper that you like so much…" There was a pause, Gabriel flicked a knowing glance up the apartment windows as the curtains rustled and the sound of breaking glass pervaded the otherwise still night… "Ah, Castiel's making good on _his_ threat now…"

Sam blanched completely, trying to push out the wonderful mental image the angel was feeding him… and not quite making it…

"Oh, just-… STOP IT!" he cried, too afraid to shut his eyes in case the angel decided to stream any MORE live porn into his mind; oh yeah, this was all going to come out in some high-end therapist's office in ten years or so… Hell, maybe even tomorrow, if he could find someone.

"Ah, don't be such a spoilsport, Sammie! I didn't come here, _pardon the pun_, just to screw you up for the rest of your life… so what's say you and I have a little fun?" he asked the young hunter, whose expression went from confused to horrified in under a second flat, "You want to WHAT?" he cried, "After all the crap you put us through in the last little while, you just turn up and expect I'd…with YOU…_really_?" Sam struggled to understand angelic logic, which was flawed at best.

His expression softened as he saw that the angel really did look quite put out by his reaction, but backpedalled when the shape in the backseat literally began to shift, and finally ended up…vaguely familiar… "G-Gabe? No way… this is not happening!" The angel shifted back to his older form, replacing the oh-so-familiar red-headed boyfriend from Sam's past with his older body; leaving the younger Winchester having a little bit of an internal panic attack…

"You-… You're Gabe, but-…but WHY? I thought you were… dead, that Spirit in the Residential Buildings on Campus tore you up so bad…" Sam shuddered and covered his eyes, processing the imagery of holding another's intestines in, while warm crimson liquid splashed over his hands… not exactly the typical College experience.

"I know, and I'm sorry, but I was told I'd gotten too close to you… so I had to go, you know, back to Home Base…and anyway, if I'd told you, you would have freaked out and the whole of history would have changed."

A hand touched his shoulder, "I missed you…Sam, and I really am sorry… but I couldn't get back to you until now… now, what say we try to even up the score with those two? I know they've already hit a few '_homeruns_' but let's show them how we did it in College…" Sam looked up in time to catch the angel's lewd wink, "Step into my parlour, said the Spider to the Fly…" he quipped, and received a light whack on the arm. "You humans and your strange euphemisms… just get in the back here so I can prove to you how sorry I am!"

Sam stayed where he was, "Or…we could just talk about how you pretended to die on me and-… who am I kidding, let's make '_Casa Erotica 27 through 50!'_" and then he pounced…

Inside, Dean did pause to wonder whether or not Sam was using the Impala's headlights and horn to send him a message in Morse Code… but then Cas did… _that_… and he forgot all about it; unlike all the other poor people in the rooms around them, who were kept awake until the early hours of the morning…

Eyes wide with horror and pillows clamped firmly about their ears…

~)0(~

Shuffling slowly out of the motel room with a robe hanging loosely from his shoulders and a toothbrush jammed in one side of his mouth, slowly brushing… Dean made his way to the Driver's side of the car and frowned. Where the hell was-…?

He glanced in the backseat. Oh…that…was not expected.

Showing no surprise on his face, Dean rapped on the window, waking the mostly-nude pair sleeping on a GIANT FREAKING BED in the Backseat of the Impala, which had most definitely not been there the day before… Sam woke with a start, dislodging the concealing sheet from over his- Oh God no! The toothbrush hot the ground as Sam flushed scarlet…snatching for the sheet.

"_Gabriel_… _really, Sam_? Of everyone you had to choose _HIM_?" he called aloud whilst staring at the sky as Sam hastily shoved pants on… retrieving them from where they'd been decoratively draped over the steering wheel… "Uh, remember that guy Castiel kind of blurted out I was with in college…? You're looking at him… in a new vessel. Speaking of Castiel, where the hell is he?" Sam said, deliberately steering the conversation away from that particular topic.

"Oh, Cas? Turns out he's not a morning person… still in bed, pillow over his head, refusing to get up even for doughnuts!" Dean's tone seemed incredulous, changing in an instant to a growl as he glared as the angel now watching him from…what had been…the backseat of his car…now a giant seemingly-impossible suite with luxury bed. "And YOU…had better put that back the way you found it… or I'll find a way to stake you to something nasty…" he threatened.

To which Gabriel laughed, poked out a tongue and rolled over; Dean was just about to take a more hands on approach when he in actuality, took a pillow to the face… and the angel disappeared. Thankfully restoring his beloved 'baby' to her former glory of actually having a backseat… Sam rolled his eyes as Dean hugged the Impala, in a rather creepy almost-sexual way…

"Should I be jealous?" asked a third voice from behind, Sam smiled and said, "Yeah, I think so, Cas… you'll always be second to the car…" Frowning the angel seemed to make sense of something that was puzzling him, as he responded, "Ah, so that explains why Dean peppered our sexual relations with metaphors and euphemisms related to car parts and mechanics… I sincerely did not understand when he said he would increase piston power and shift his grip on my gear stick for optimum performance of-…"

Sam was white and as horrified as Dean looked, as a fourth, familiar voice cut across, "Cas?"

The mentioned angel stopped his tirade of terrifying things Sam never wanted to know about Dean, and looked expectantly at his older brother, "Yes Gabriel? Did I say something wrong?" The older angel snorted, "Just…shut up, please… you're scaring my human."

Sam wasn't sure whether to be offended or grateful at being so obviously objectified, but he was pleased Castiel had stopped right about the part where Dean had mention putting his 'key' into the 'ignition slot'… which is an image Sam could really, 100% live without…

~)0(~

In a moment of clarity, Dean chuckled to himself, watching Castiel arguing with Gabriel -who was clinging to Sam like a child to a teddy bear; suddenly realising how strange it was that one innocent comment had led to…well…all _this_. Then again, he revised as Castiel turned slightly and flashed him a smile that was anything BUT innocent… maybe Cas was a better actor than he had initially thought.

How else would that kinky bastard had 'just so happened' to have that can of whipped cream and the handcuffs on him last night?

Well, anyway you looked at it, Dean was sure damn glad Cas hadn't found himself some '_girl with large beverage containers_' to play with… because from now on, he was going to do his damndest to make sure that angel forgot every sleazy word of his teachings from last night, if it killed him.

…and it just might.

Luckily…he had an angel on his side to resurrect him if necessary… and on his front, and behind him on occasion, and even that one time they-…

"Oh God Dean, STOP THINKING THAT!" Sam shrieked as an Amused looking Gabriel petted his head soothingly, surreptitiously cutting off the mental feed with a broad grin. The older Winchester rolled his eyes, this was going to be a loooooong engagement…

And at least one of them was going to have to invest in some brainbleach…

Probably Sammie.

**~)0(~**

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><p><strong>THE END.<strong>

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><p><strong>Soooo... who is too mentally disturbed by that last twist to even move from the pose of frozen horror you are currently trapped in?<strong>

**Long story short, that last little bit with the extra pairing... complete accident, I just didn't know how to end the story and my 2am-mind decided, "F$%^k it! Let's throw that random pairing in there!" So I totally did.**

**If you can move from the foetal position... now would be a good time to maybe let me know of your outrage or horror... in a Review...**

**~*SailorSilvanesti/Phoenix Fire*~**


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